i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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