She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
