im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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