but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just had sex bonerless
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
