It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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