I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
