a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
