Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
