So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
