tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
