I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just googled if crying burns calories
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
