She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
