Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
