sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
