dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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