Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
