Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
