she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
