Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
