The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
