I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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