They should really pass out barf bags in church
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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