i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
