im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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