we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
