i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
