Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
