guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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