Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
