oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
