just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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