It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
