I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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