What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
