Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
