I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
