guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
