Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
