Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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