Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
