this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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