I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
