I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
