By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
