Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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