im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
