Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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