just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
