Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
