it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
