Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
