I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
