Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
