I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
