I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
