Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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