Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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