She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
